Tails of The Jackalope

A Write-Off

2005-04-22T21:17:00.000-03:00

Have you ever had one of those days that you wish could just rewind and start over? I think I am having a week like that. It just seems like nothing I do is right. Here I go whining, which as most know, very very rarely helps a situation, and yet I continue. I think that I am not proud of who I am this week. Not because I've been especially nasty to anyone in particular, but mainly because I know that I was not who I could be this week. I cannot stop thinking of all of the times where I would get completely stressed out or someone would unintentionally say something hurtful and instead of brushing it off or adjusting my outlook to be more positive, I just wallowed in it. And even now as I write this, I'm fighting the urge to just go on about everything bad that happened this week, to detail how I've been wronged or to cry over how much I miss someone even though they're right there. It's silly. I am so blessed. I cannot ever seek to deserve the many, many gifts that God has given me. He blesses me in my lowest most fowl moments. My heart cries out injustice against Him and he continies to surround me with wonderful friends and family. I feel so unable to express my inadaquacies. There are too many. So instead I must express the glory of my God. How can You love me? I don't think I will ever understand that.
Oh God, you are a most consistant friend and father to the most inconsistant child. Make me someone who does justice to that love. I will never be able to pay it back, but I at least want to seek to honor it and YOU.

Fading

2005-04-19T20:33:00.000-03:00

It breaks my heart that my strength just fades away.
That first love's faith just dims and fades.
At the first sign of struggle
I fall and hide my face.
Hoping you won't see
This weak thing filling space.

But could this weak will
Be used by you?
Could an indecisive heart
Become loyal and true?
For if all have fallen short
And the strongest plans fall through,
Then maybe this unclean life
Could be given back to you.

Broken

2005-04-18T21:49:00.000-03:00

I, I see you standing there
Your back against the wall
You stand so straight and tall
While your insides hit the floor.

I, I see you crouching down.
One hand holds back your hair
You kneel as if in prayer
And with your body seize control.

But you know that
I, I'll be you everything.
I'll give you all my love
To take away your pain
Why don't you just let go.

I, I see the marks made on your arm.
Does the inside match the out?
Now you leave no room for doubt
Of all the pain you feel inside.

But you know that
I, I'd give you everything
I'd give you all my love
To take away your pain
But still you won't let go.

I, I see what lies inside.
As your whole world falls apart,
Let me hold your broken heart
You've got nothing left to hide.

Understand that
I, I gave up everything.
I gave you all my love.
Will you give me all your pain.
Take a breath and just let go.

Naive

2005-04-14T14:15:00.000-03:00

I remember the "good ol' days"
I know that it might sound strange
But I miss the nights when innocense drove me around.
I remember the light in your eyes.
I remember the nights we cried
For all of the souls that were or would be lost.

You say sheer naivity,
Made you live that life so freely.
And you say "That's life, I guess"
That you were just growing up with the rest.

But after all this,
One thing remains:
His love for you is still the same.
Come home.

I miss the games we played.
I wish we were still the same.
But now innocense is a jaded high come down.
And in the dark do feel alone?
Do you wish you could come back home,
Before emptiness is the only thing you know?

Was it sheer naivity,
That made you leave this life so freely?
There's so much more to life than this,
always settling for second best.

But after all this,
One thing remains:
His love for you is still the same.
So come home. Come home.

You say you want to wait
I only pray it's not too late
Or do you want to die,
Without really living life.
Come home. Come home.

So here I am, and there are you.

2004-09-13T14:11:00.001-03:00

Well, Hmmmmmmm......
I guess most people start these things out by explaining Why they started their blog and why they chose that title. So here we go:

The Reason: I don't really have one.
The Title: My boyfriend liked it.

Whew, good to get that over with.

Now, moving on to more important things in life. Like eating candy coated pecans. Wait, Ben are reading this? Umm... I mean like thinking about eating candy coated pecans. Yeah that's what I meant the first time I just typed it wrong. Yeah cause I'm not a good typer person, ya know?
Well I guess that's it for now I'm going to go do something else with my time. But I am definitely not going to eat any more of, I mean ANY of those pecans. Nope.